The school that I work at is trying to respond appropriately to the number and extent of student wellbeing issues, 18 months into fairly consistent remote learning.
They are not alone. Many schools have been busy trying to sustain a sense of connection to community through things like virtual cross country fun runs, dress up days, bake offs, house competitions, family fitness bingos… you get the idea. What I wonder is, whether or not the kids, like us, are over the idea there might be silver linings to lockdowns, or that they should be expected to sustain the same extent of self-regulation, motivation, productivity and academic progress, when everything about school and our lives has changed. I wonder if any of the adults in their life, either at school, or home, have spoken directly about the elephant in the room, or called bullshit on the bake-offs, and allowed space to simply recognise: it’s not fair. It sucks. It’s not easy to keep going. These are not normal expectations for teenagers. Or anyone.
I think we all mean well. We are trying to buoy spirits and support the kids to keep going. We know it’s not low stakes – it’s years of their schooling now affected.
But I think we’re also all a bit scared that if we let the kids feel sad, or angry – they won’t cope. They’ll lie down and never get back up. They’ll give in altogether.
In the relational parenting course Dylan and I are doing at the moment they make the point that emotions aren’t good or bad, or able to be controlled or reasoned with: they just are. And when we allow them to be felt, they have a natural life of their own, which typically isn’t actually as significant or problematic as what happens when we chronically dismiss, minimise, ignore or shame them.
Even without consistent weeks of lockdown, sometimes it feels scary to let yourself feel the darker emotions, in case they never shift. But a movement practice always helps remind me nothing is constant. Even a sun salutation always feels a little bit different, when I pay particular attention to the layers of sensation.
We often say, regarding certain aspects of pregnancy, birth and motherhood, “Why didn't anyone tell me about [X}?” But how could anyone truly prepare you for your unique set of experiences, circumstances, challenges and emotions?
Rather than wishing we could have avoided feeling any difficult emotions by being somehow “more prepared”, can we practice greeting the present moment as it comes, on its own terms.
Letting go of the expectations we had about motherhood, 2021, ourselves in lockdown, our kids and partners in lockdown, etc. etc. Practicing non-judgemental acceptance and loving kindness towards ourselves and all those we share our 5kms with. Like they say in the parenting course – even if we only manage it 30% of the time, we’re doing brilliantly.
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